I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
