Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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