we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
