thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
