hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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