He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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