She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
