So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
