I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
