Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
