That's intense
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
you had me at cake vodka
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
