Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
