thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
