I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
