dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
