So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
