if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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