i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
