Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
