And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
