we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
