my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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