Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
