I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I had to cum in my sink.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
