I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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