im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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