Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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