She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
