I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
