Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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