I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
