the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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