the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
