i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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