Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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