omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
