I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
