Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
