Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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