Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
