i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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