I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
