I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
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There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
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They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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