You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
