where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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