My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
