Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
