his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We don't watch enough power rangers
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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