I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
