"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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