I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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