Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
