I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize