he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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