I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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