i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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