if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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