My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
