carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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