Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
