Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
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My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
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She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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