after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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