Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
