My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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