i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
