In the future we'll all be gay
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
