i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
