I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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