my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
