My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Dicks are not precious.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
