It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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