You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
