I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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