weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
