What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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