I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
