she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
