you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
